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I'm just a regular mom with a passion for all things creative! Being a wife and mom to four little boys is demanding, but I haven't lost my identity in it. I'm still a woman who loves to try new things and explore ways of bringing creativity into my life. This journey of being the Creative Chaos Mom is going to be a fun one, so feel free to join me in the chaos and share a little of your own along the way!

Thursday, January 9, 2014

The Light at the End of the Tunnel




I don’t know what happened.  A switch clicked inside me four days ago, and I finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel.  My boys are 8 1/2, 7 (three weeks shy), 5 1/2 and 2 1/2.  I have been living in some form of survival mode for YEARS!  And by years I mean nearing the decade mark!  This new year is the fresh start I’ve been longing for...the moment when I could look at my life, take a deep breath and say, “I can do this!” and actually believe the words coming out of my mouth.

I feel like a huge weight has lifted from my shoulders, the fog has cleared and I have this beautiful positive view of the amazing life God has blessed me with.  I didn’t set out this year with new year’s resolutions, but somehow I’ve already made some substantial changes (and we’re only a couple weeks in!).  I’m guessing it may have something to do with some remarkable praying women who move mountains with their faith.  If you know anyone like that, get on their prayer list.  Seriously, miracles can happen!

A few major changes have reduced stress and allowed me to really find a positive spin in the everyday.  First off, my husband’s employment was kind of in limbo mode the last couple of years.  He has a great job working at our church (for the last decade), but we were seriously considering making a profession change and explored many options.  Things have been “up in the air” for quite some time.  He would start down a road and God would close the door.  In the end, God made it very clear that we are to stay put.  We are exactly where He wants us, and He is doing a great work that we get to be a part of as our church looks to the future.  It’s an exciting time, and we both feel God’s hand in it.  Now that we know we are going to be here for the long haul (unless, of course, God calls us somewhere else out of the blue), we both have an overwhelming peace about it!

Another change is that we decided to put our boys in a private Christian school.  We moved our oldest son to Christian school back in September (mid-semester) for a variety of reasons, and it was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.  He has grown so much academically, spiritually and emotionally.  It’s been such a fun experience watching the changes in him.  Our two middle boys stayed in public school, so for the last four months I’ve been a full-time taxi service with two different schools, two different drop off times, three different pick-up times, half-days, full-days and the ever dreadful “early-release Wednesday” pick-ups. It has been complete madness!  My 2 year old doesn’t nap more than 15 minutes a day and it takes place in the car because that is really all that is allotted with our schedule.  With the introduction of “Common Core” in the public school district the straw finally broke the camel’s back.  Doing the math homework with my first grader made me want to stab myself in the eye with sharp pencils.  I’ve never been so frustrated in all my life.  Who knew that I would dislike homework more as a parent than I ever did as a student?  I knew I couldn’t keep up with this crazy circus I was starring in and I could see frustration rising in my boys, so after much thought, prayer and discussion, our middle boys will be starting at the Christian school next week.  Can I get an hallelujah?!  I can’t tell you the relief and utter peace I’ve experienced since making that decision.  Financially it is going to be hard, and if people saw our budget they would think we were downright crazy for making this decision.  In a grand step of faith we are stepping out on this journey and trusting God to provide the finances to make this work.  Again, I have complete peace about this decision which normally I would totally be freaking out about.  He will provide.  I will trust in His faithfulness and provision.  Deep breath...sigh...feeling so much better.  We’ve already seen Him move in the financial department a few times in the last two weeks!  It’s amazing to watch.  Homeschool isn’t completely off the table, and I strongly considered it, but it just wasn’t the right time.  We’ll see what next year looks like when we get there.  We are on the one year at a time plan for now.

I also decided this year to do a “read through the Bible in a year” program.  I got in a rut for a LONG time where I just went back to my favorite parts of the Bible and would only read things I had highlighted or underlined.  Bad idea.  Granted they were often verses of encouragement, but, wow, was I missing out on so much of what God has for me.  I know I was in survival mode and just trying to get through the everyday, so I’m extending myself some grace on this one.  However, now that the tunnel is gone and sunlight and fresh air are encircling me I figured it’s time to “dig” into the Word.  I have already learned a lot and view the Word with what feels like “fresh eyes” as it comes to life right before me each day.  I am excited!  My passion for learning and truly knowing God and His character is back and it feels FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!  Again, deep breath...sigh...feeling so much better.

In an attempt to use my time better, I decided to delete facebook from my phone and limit myself to checking it on the computer once a day in the morning only to check for personal messages.  I also have cut back on “screen time” watching t.v. and being on the computer.  I have been diligent about keeping my boys’ screen time down to a minimum over the last few months because they literally turn into MONSTERS when they get too much.  I made these changes for myself in January because I wanted to set a good example for them.  I was very surprised at how much screen time affected me.  I am so much less irritable and less stressed after making these slight changes.  I went from feeling like I never had enough time and was constantly playing “catch up” to feeling relaxed, in control and very capable of completing my daily routine and tasks as needed.  It was such a small change with such a huge impact.  I still am kind of in shock by it all and wish I had made this change much sooner!

I know many different women who use “Jesus Calling” for their daily devotional.  I can’t say enough good things about it.  I even bought the kid version for my boys.  If you don’t have it and are looking for a daily devotional, I highly recommend it!  I had an “a-ha” moment on January 7th after letting go of my facebook addiction the day before.  I read in Jesus Calling, “It is impossible to praise or thank me too much.”  Down the page it read, “Fill up the spare moments of your life with praise and thanksgiving.  This joyous discipline will help you live in the intimacy of My Presence.” (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young pg. 8).  “Joyous discipline” definitely resonated with me.  After I read it I was thinking I had just stopped giving my spare moments of life to Facebook, so what an easy transition it would be to give those moments to praise and thanksgiving.  I started looking at my life with thankfulness in everything from the little things to the big things.  Instead of thinking I “have to” do the laundry or I “have to” wash the dishes my thinking became I “get to” do laundry because my God has provided clothes and linens for my family, and it’s so awesome that I have a huge washer and dryer and don’t have to work at it by hand!  I “get to” do the dishes because my God provided dishes and food for my family.  We “get to” eat three healthy meals a day and still have snacks.  It’s so awesome that we have a dishwasher, and I don’t have to do them all by hand.  I “get to” help my kids with their homework because they are bright and learning, and I “get to” be a part of their growth.  It’s a simple change that has ROCKED MY WORLD!

When you can take all the complaining, “have to’s” and struggles of daily life and find those bits of positive to focus on, when you can give praise and thanksgiving to God in your spare moments and when you can find that ever present relationship and realize God is always there right with you waiting for you to converse with Him, your life WILL CHANGE!

I have reached the light at the end of this particular tunnel of “young mother”.  It has been a painful exhausting journey, but I have learned so much, and I can praise my mighty God for walking with me every single step of the way.  I am so looking forward to what He has for me in 2014!  So far, it’s been one of the best years yet!  Deep breath...sigh...feeling so much better!

I Thessalonians 5:16-18
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”