"Son Up to Son Down"

    A few years back a friend of mine brought a gift to me.  It was a little blue sign and written in delicate black letters read the words, “Mothers of little boys work from son up to son down.”  The sign has been scribbled on with crayons and pencils a number of times.  I used to clean it, but one day I gave up and thought, “You know what?  This is real life.  It adds character.” So the marks have stayed.  I am a mother of four boys.  I often say that it’s like raising four wild monkeys on crack who sometimes act like dinosaurs.  

    I giggle now when I think of that little sign, mostly because the sun and sons went down hours ago.  Here I am still awake doing the laundry and housework as I attempt to clean up what feels like the remnants of a tornado and turn it into something presentable for my 9 am meeting with a client tomorrow.

    I can faintly hear my husband snoring from the bedroom and the tapping of zippers and buttons attached to clothing as they go round and round in the dryer.  Yet there is a stillness and quiet in the house.  My mind swirls with my “to-do” list for the week as I finally pause, take a deep breath and release the stress my shoulders have carried all day.

    Today was different.  The boys were fighting more so than usual.  My sweet husband came home a bit early from work to take them to a movie since it’s their spring break, and I needed to work on a talk I’m presenting this weekend.  I took the time to sit and catch up on my bible study, reflecting on Easter and preparing for my talk.  

    The quiet was refreshing and rare for daytime.  I shouldn’t have been surprised, and yet I still was taken aback...every time I seek Jesus, he meets me.  I cried some good tears.  I still can’t wrap my mind around why he loves us so much, why he loves me so much.  His death on the cross, his resurrection, his love that is so much greater than I can even fathom...it leaves me speechless.

    I read scripture and journaled and prayed.  I love the quiet because I can talk to God out loud, without distraction.  He’s present...with me.  It makes me feel closer to him.  As I prepared for my talk I spoke of the things he has been doing in my life over the last six months, breathing new life in me, challenging my thinking, challenging my purpose, calling me to let go of the things I cling to and follow him with reckless abandon.  I’m finally learning to let go and there is so much freedom in it.  My heart has joy, my body is tired, but he sustains me and keeps me going.  He fills me with love to pour out on those four boys and to love my husband passionately.  I am surrounded by such precious gifts.  The more “stuff” I let go of, the more value I find in the things that really matter.  I’m so thankful that I have a reason to work from “son up to son down” and the hours beyond.

    I found a quote by Erma Bombeck today that says, “When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’”  I just love that.  Though tired and weary at times, I know that God is with me, and he is drawing me in closer and closer.  I will continue to pursue him and pour myself out to do that which he has called me to.  So back to work I go...

5 Lessons I'm teaching my kiddos that apply to grown-ups

1. Be nice.  My kids bicker about stupid things.  They are often selfish and unkind to each other.  It’s in their nature.  Teaching them the golden rule, “treat others how you would like to be treated”, is key in helping them grow into compassionate kind adults.  The funny thing is (sad really) that I run into adults on a regular basis who haven’t seemed to grasp this concept.  Selfishness, rudeness, cattiness, gossip...I just don’t understand it all.  This is not rocket science.  Be nice to each other.  Be kind.  Treat others how you would like to be treated.  Give people the benefit of the doubt. If they are just mean spirited, kill them with kindness.  Proverbs 21:21 says, “Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor.”  Smile, be kind to those you come in contact with and you’ll see your life become more positive.
2. Work hard.  Most things in life don’t come easy.  Life is not about free handouts.  We all have to do things sometimes that we don’t want to do.  Even if it’s something we really do want, we usually have to work hard to get it.  The cool thing about having a good work ethic is that it can aid in developing many other important traits like dependability, passion, efficiency and effectiveness.  There is a sense of achievement that comes with hard work.  Proverbs 12:11 says, “Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.”  It is also very important to apply your work ethic to teamwork.  Amazing things can be accomplished when you work together with others.  Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.”  Work hard to become the best version of you, work well with those around you and see where life takes you.
3. Integrity is key.  Honesty and integrity are endangered species in the world today.  As you grow into an adult the value of integrity in every area of your life is priceless.  Nobody likes those who are schmoozy or dishonest.  When you see people falling for schmoozy or being dishonest it should give you a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach.  Stand up for what’s right.  Do the right thing when people are watching and especially when they are not!  Colossians 3:17 says, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”  God is watching even when others are not.  Be the person God has called you to be with integrity.
4. Take Risks.  Life is too short and too important to live by a bubble wrap philosophy.  Follow your dreams.  Stretch yourself.  If you live in fear you will miss out on so much of what life has to offer.  Will you fail sometimes?  Most definitely, but you will learn from it.  You’ll get back up and keep running towards all that God has destined you for.  You must have faith.  Sometimes God calls us to do things that are scary or completely out of our comfort zone.  Let your faith win!  Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Great things happen when we are willing to step out in faith, trust God and take those risks.
5. Find joy.  Laugh a lot til your belly hurts.  Life has hard stuff in it and your perspective makes a huge difference in how that hard stuff affects you.  Don’t take yourself too seriously.  Choose to find the good in things and look for the bits of joy that make you see the glass “half full”.  There will always be hardships and curveballs that come your way, but if you can find joy, contentment and humor in the everyday you will sail through those rough waters with confidence.  My prayer for you is found in Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

You can make conscious choices to apply these lessons each day.  Some come easier than others, but if you practice these principles daily eventually they will become habit.

The Good Christian

I grew up going to church.  I became a christian at the age of 5. I went to church on Sunday morning and Sunday night.  Midweek I went to Awana and then to youth group as I got older.  I spent a week every summer at a Christian camp.  I volunteered in Sunday school classes for little kids. I was a good kid who stayed out of trouble.  The church and christianity have been a part of my life as far back as I can remember.

I am a people pleaser by nature.  Faith always came easy to me for the most part.  There’s a part of me that has struggled for years though.  It comes with the idea of the “good” christian.  The church I grew up in was fairly legalistic, and honestly, I think legalism is the noose around the neck of the church today.  The general idea that I was taught in church is that you read your bible everyday, you pray everyday, you have a time of “devotion” everyday, you choose to be good and to do the right thing.  It’s something that you “do” if you’re a “good” christian.  I learned the stories of the Bible, I memorized verses, I learned the christian answers and the christianese lingo.  I wanted to be a “good” christian.

As I got older and life happened, I had a hard time finding time to read the bible.  Sure I had time to read, but time to read in quiet and actually have the words come to life...not so much.  My prayer life dwindled because I felt like my prayers hit the ceiling and fell back to the floor.  My faith was always there, I knew the right answers, but I didn’t feel the closeness.  Being a people pleaser, I struggled with the lack of intimacy and felt like I wasn’t pleasing to God.  I felt unworthy of his presence because I wasn’t a “good enough” christian.  This idea snowballed as I felt more ashamed with my lack of “goodness” and in turn I pulled further away from my time with God.

The reality of it all is that I am not a habitual person.  I am creative minded.  A dreamer.  I am not a morning person.  God made me that way.  I have a love/hate relationship with structure.  I need it, yet find it binding and suffocating at times.  I am not a “do your one hour of devotions at the same time first thing in the morning everyday” type of girl.  I used to be ashamed of that, because after all that’s what good christians do.  Right?  It took me a long time to come to grips with the fact that I was not a “good” christian as defined by what I had been taught.

Then the years of motherhood came, and holy-moly, did that throw me for a loop!  I had my first three boys in just under three years, and I was in what felt like a permanent state of survival mode.  I struggled.  I cried.  I was depressed.  I reached depths of loneliness that I didn’t know existed.  I was exhausted.  I wanted to be this amazing spiritual saint for my kids to look up to and I failed miserably.  I wanted to be a good christian, a good leader, a good wife, a good mom, a good friend, a good worker, a good mentor...I wanted to “do” it all.  I couldn’t do it.  I broke.  I wasn’t enough.

Do you know what happened?  I found GRACE!  It was the part of my faith I had not fully grasped from the get go.  Grace is defined as “the free and unmerited favor of God”.  FREE, not earned!  In my brokenness I held up my hands and said, “I’m not enough.  There is nothing I can DO to ever be enough.”  I know that Jesus saved me that night way back when I was five years old.  I accepted him as my savior.  But, it wasn’t until I was broken on my knees in a puddle of tears as an adult with kids of my own that I finally acknowledged his grace and accepted the fact that he finds favor in me just the way I am.  There is nothing I can “do” to make him love me more or less.  This realization was so freeing.  I didn’t have to be a “good” christian.  I just had to be me...the me that God purposed me to be.  The me that he planned this amazing life for.  I let go of the legalistic views that I struggled with for so long.  I accepted the things that were unique and different about me because that’s how God made me.  There isn’t a cookie cutter christian life to follow.  He made us different for a purpose.  He created us to bring him glory and there is so much beauty in the uniqueness of each person he created.

I have friends who do their one hour devotion every morning first thing because that is what works for them.  They find God in those moments, and I love it that they are habitual in it because that’s how God made them.  For me, I pray in the car (out loud because I can).  Sometimes I pray in the shower because it is one of the only times of the day that I get to be by myself. I meet God singing a worship song when I’m subbing at the Christian school my kids go to.  I see him in his creation in nature where I just soak in his presence without saying a word.  I hear him speak when I read his Word (the bible) while trying to find some encouraging words for a friend.  I cry out to him in the wee hours when I just need him to be my strength.  I thank him in moments where joy is found when my kids giggle and when we snuggle.  My intimacy and faith looks different than the “good” christian idea I was raised on and that’s okay.  I choose to embrace grace, I choose to embrace who God created me to be, and I choose to love those around me for who they are.  I find joy in creation because God made me creative.

It’s not about being a “good” Christian.  It’s about believing in who Jesus is and what he’s done.  It’s about accepting grace and loving him because he’s downright amazing.  It’s about loving people around us and extending grace because God created them to be loved unconditionally.

As I raise my boys up in this ‘oh so crazy’ world of ours, I want them to know God’s grace, and I want them to know that they are loved fiercely and unconditionally.  I want them to accept who God created them to be, and then go love the heck out of the people God has placed in their lives.

I’m not a “good” Christian.  I’m just a girl who loves Jesus, who will never fully understand why he loves me, but I’m thankful that he does.  And I will spend the rest of my days loving the people around me in hopes that they will know his love too because that’s why God made me.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast.” - Ephesians 2:8-9.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.” 
- I Corinthians 13:13

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

I don’t know what happened.  A switch clicked inside me four days ago, and I finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel.  My boys are 8 1/2, 7 (three weeks shy), 5 1/2 and 2 1/2.  I have been living in some form of survival mode for YEARS!  And by years I mean nearing the decade mark!  This new year is the fresh start I’ve been longing for...the moment when I could look at my life, take a deep breath and say, “I can do this!” and actually believe the words coming out of my mouth.

I feel like a huge weight has lifted from my shoulders, the fog has cleared and I have this beautiful positive view of the amazing life God has blessed me with.  I didn’t set out this year with new year’s resolutions, but somehow I’ve already made some substantial changes (and we’re only a couple weeks in!).  I’m guessing it may have something to do with some remarkable praying women who move mountains with their faith.  If you know anyone like that, get on their prayer list.  Seriously, miracles can happen!

A few major changes have reduced stress and allowed me to really find a positive spin in the everyday.  First off, my husband’s employment was kind of in limbo mode the last couple of years.  He has a great job working at our church (for the last decade), but we were seriously considering making a profession change and explored many options.  Things have been “up in the air” for quite some time.  He would start down a road and God would close the door.  In the end, God made it very clear that we are to stay put.  We are exactly where He wants us, and He is doing a great work that we get to be a part of as our church looks to the future.  It’s an exciting time, and we both feel God’s hand in it.  Now that we know we are going to be here for the long haul (unless, of course, God calls us somewhere else out of the blue), we both have an overwhelming peace about it!

Another change is that we decided to put our boys in a private Christian school.  We moved our oldest son to Christian school back in September (mid-semester) for a variety of reasons, and it was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.  He has grown so much academically, spiritually and emotionally.  It’s been such a fun experience watching the changes in him.  Our two middle boys stayed in public school, so for the last four months I’ve been a full-time taxi service with two different schools, two different drop off times, three different pick-up times, half-days, full-days and the ever dreadful “early-release Wednesday” pick-ups. It has been complete madness!  My 2 year old doesn’t nap more than 15 minutes a day and it takes place in the car because that is really all that is allotted with our schedule.  With the introduction of “Common Core” in the public school district the straw finally broke the camel’s back.  Doing the math homework with my first grader made me want to stab myself in the eye with sharp pencils.  I’ve never been so frustrated in all my life.  Who knew that I would dislike homework more as a parent than I ever did as a student?  I knew I couldn’t keep up with this crazy circus I was starring in and I could see frustration rising in my boys, so after much thought, prayer and discussion, our middle boys will be starting at the Christian school next week.  Can I get an hallelujah?!  I can’t tell you the relief and utter peace I’ve experienced since making that decision.  Financially it is going to be hard, and if people saw our budget they would think we were downright crazy for making this decision.  In a grand step of faith we are stepping out on this journey and trusting God to provide the finances to make this work.  Again, I have complete peace about this decision which normally I would totally be freaking out about.  He will provide.  I will trust in His faithfulness and provision.  Deep breath...sigh...feeling so much better.  We’ve already seen Him move in the financial department a few times in the last two weeks!  It’s amazing to watch.  Homeschool isn’t completely off the table, and I strongly considered it, but it just wasn’t the right time.  We’ll see what next year looks like when we get there.  We are on the one year at a time plan for now.

I also decided this year to do a “read through the Bible in a year” program.  I got in a rut for a LONG time where I just went back to my favorite parts of the Bible and would only read things I had highlighted or underlined.  Bad idea.  Granted they were often verses of encouragement, but, wow, was I missing out on so much of what God has for me.  I know I was in survival mode and just trying to get through the everyday, so I’m extending myself some grace on this one.  However, now that the tunnel is gone and sunlight and fresh air are encircling me I figured it’s time to “dig” into the Word.  I have already learned a lot and view the Word with what feels like “fresh eyes” as it comes to life right before me each day.  I am excited!  My passion for learning and truly knowing God and His character is back and it feels FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!  Again, deep breath...sigh...feeling so much better.

In an attempt to use my time better, I decided to delete facebook from my phone and limit myself to checking it on the computer once a day in the morning only to check for personal messages.  I also have cut back on “screen time” watching t.v. and being on the computer.  I have been diligent about keeping my boys’ screen time down to a minimum over the last few months because they literally turn into MONSTERS when they get too much.  I made these changes for myself in January because I wanted to set a good example for them.  I was very surprised at how much screen time affected me.  I am so much less irritable and less stressed after making these slight changes.  I went from feeling like I never had enough time and was constantly playing “catch up” to feeling relaxed, in control and very capable of completing my daily routine and tasks as needed.  It was such a small change with such a huge impact.  I still am kind of in shock by it all and wish I had made this change much sooner!

I know many different women who use “Jesus Calling” for their daily devotional.  I can’t say enough good things about it.  I even bought the kid version for my boys.  If you don’t have it and are looking for a daily devotional, I highly recommend it!  I had an “a-ha” moment on January 7th after letting go of my facebook addiction the day before.  I read in Jesus Calling, “It is impossible to praise or thank me too much.”  Down the page it read, “Fill up the spare moments of your life with praise and thanksgiving.  This joyous discipline will help you live in the intimacy of My Presence.” (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young pg. 8).  “Joyous discipline” definitely resonated with me.  After I read it I was thinking I had just stopped giving my spare moments of life to Facebook, so what an easy transition it would be to give those moments to praise and thanksgiving.  I started looking at my life with thankfulness in everything from the little things to the big things.  Instead of thinking I “have to” do the laundry or I “have to” wash the dishes my thinking became I “get to” do laundry because my God has provided clothes and linens for my family, and it’s so awesome that I have a huge washer and dryer and don’t have to work at it by hand!  I “get to” do the dishes because my God provided dishes and food for my family.  We “get to” eat three healthy meals a day and still have snacks.  It’s so awesome that we have a dishwasher, and I don’t have to do them all by hand.  I “get to” help my kids with their homework because they are bright and learning, and I “get to” be a part of their growth.  It’s a simple change that has ROCKED MY WORLD!

When you can take all the complaining, “have to’s” and struggles of daily life and find those bits of positive to focus on, when you can give praise and thanksgiving to God in your spare moments and when you can find that ever present relationship and realize God is always there right with you waiting for you to converse with Him, your life WILL CHANGE!

I have reached the light at the end of this particular tunnel of “young mother”.  It has been a painful exhausting journey, but I have learned so much, and I can praise my mighty God for walking with me every single step of the way.  I am so looking forward to what He has for me in 2014!  So far, it’s been one of the best years yet!  Deep breath...sigh...feeling so much better!

I Thessalonians 5:16-18

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

Oh Baby!

Well hello there! First, let me wish all of you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I have missed blogging oh so much! I can't believe how much time has passed since my last post. Let me catch you up real quick...

Besides the chaos of all the holidays and raising a family of three boys (not to mention we are in the middle of selling our home), I found out in September that I am expecting baby #4!!! While this is very exciting news, it brings with it months and months of sickness for me. I (unfortunately) am not one of those women that feels fantastic while pregnant, and I actually struggle with what I call "all-day sickness" for 5-9 months during my pregnancies. Hence my absence!

The good news is that my fifth month is here, and I am finally getting some relief. Hopefully I will be back to my usual blogging self soon as I sort through life and reestablish my schedule.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and that 2011 brings with it many blessings in your life! God bless and take care! I'll be back soon.

Recipe: Amber's Pasta Salad

Happy Labor Day! I hope you have fun plans to celebrate. My family is heading over to a friend's house for a BBQ. It is pot-luck style, so I signed up to bring a yummy pasta salad.

Pasta salad is so easy to make and there are a million different recipes out there. Today I'm going to share my own personal recipe. It's fast, easy and we usually have all the ingredients on hand at our house to whip up this tasty colorful salad. Hope you like it!

Amber's Pasta Salad

1 lb. Mini-Farfalle (Bowtie) Pasta (You can also use colorful rotini, small shells or mini penne)
1 cup of Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing (I use Newman's Own Light Balsamic)
1 Cucumber chopped
2 Large Bell Peppers (1 yellow and 1 orange) chopped
2 Stalks of Celery chopped
1 Cup of Tomatoes chopped (I use cherry or any small tomatoes)
4 oz. of Feta Cheese

Boil pasta as directed and drain. In a large bowl mix pasta and vinaigrette dressing. Put in refrigerator to cool. Once cooled add cucumber, bell pepper, celery and tomato. Toss salad together until evenly mixed. Add feta cheese and toss lightly. Cover and chill for 30 minutes before serving.

Serve and enjoy!

P.S.-This is a great recipe to make ahead of time (even the day before). My only recommendation if making ahead is to not add the tomatoes (they will get mushy), and stir the feta in right before serving (or you can serve the feta to the side as a topping).

Commercial Fun!

You've heard me say this before, but if you haven't joined some sort of local moms group, you really should! I have the joy of being a part of the leadership "steering" team of my local MOPS group this year, and it is an absolute blast! I have met so many amazing women who encourage my heart on a daily basis. New friendships are blooming, older friendships are becoming stronger, and I am becoming a better woman by having these incredible ladies in my life!

My role this year in MOPS is Publicity. Basically, my job is to get the word out marketing our group and keep up our communication through Facebook pages and our monthly newsletter.

My first project was creating a promo commercial for our church to attract new moms to our MOPS group. This was SO MUCH FUN! My husband happens to be the Director of Communications at our church, so he has the much needed skills we used to film and edit the video. I wrote and directed the piece, and my husband worked his magic to bring us the finished product. We filmed all of the video on my handy dandy camera that I mentioned in my previous blog post. I know...it does video too!!! So cool! I have always had an interest in film (yet another creative outlet for me!), so this is something I am planning to learn a lot more about. My husband is up to the challenge of teaching me his mad skills, so we have decided to start working on more projects together. It's been fun sharing something that we both have a love for, and it turns out that we make a great team!

I also have to point out that the super great music on this commercial was written and produced by T.J. Hill of Future of Forestry who is by far the most talented musician I have ever met! Check out his blog/music here.

Here is the commercial that we produced. Hope you like it!

Finally, Photography!

First off, OH MY GOODNESS! Did I seriously let a whole month go by without blogging?! So sorry for my absence. Between my son starting kindergarten and me taking on the role of Room Rep, my responsibilities as Publicity girl for my local MOPS group, and of course, the daily grind of raising three crazy little boys, I guess I got a little busy!

The good news is I am SO excited about life right now! I finally saved up enough money to buy my camera, a Canon Rebel T1i. Wu-hoo! I absolutely love it and have been practicing on anyone I can get my lens on.

I have an engagement session, some family/kid sessions and a wedding (as a second shooter) coming up, so I will be sure to post things as I go. There is so much information out there to learn, and I am a sponge right now trying to suck it all up.

I recently was able to go along on a family session with my very talented photographer friend, Stephanie Morgan, who has been teaching me so many amazing tricks and tips. Thanks Steph! This is one of the sweetest families I know. These little kiddos also go to one of the schools I substitute teach at, so I get to see their fun little faces fairly often. Here are some of my favorites from the session...

I still have a long way to go, but if there is one thing I've learned so far in photography it's that lighting is everything!!! I love working with kids because they are so fun and exciting, and let's be honest, they are just plain CUTE! I also love vibrant colors which I'm learning is part of my personality coming through in my photos.

I hope you like these! I am still in learning mode and am looking for people to practice on, so if you live in the Bay Area and are interested in being in front of the lens just let me know!

Recipe: Easy Chicken Tetrazzini

I'm always looking for easy meals to throw together that are filling and easy on the budget. I used to use Giada De Laurentiis recipe which is delicious if you want to try it, but it takes too much time if you're in a pinch, and the ingredients for the sauce can be pricey. I revised the recipe to fit my hectic and budget friendly lifestyle, so here is my version.

Recipe: Easy Chicken Tetrazzini

12 oz. of pasta (I use rotini)

8 chicken tenderloins or 2 boneless skinless chicken breasts cut into 1/2 inch slices

8 oz. fresh sliced mushrooms

1/2 small onion chopped

1/4 cup white wine

1 cup frozen peas

1 jar of alfredo sauce

1 1/2 cups milk

1 cup grated parmesan cheese

3 tablespoons chopped Italian parsley

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons butter

bread crumbs (optional)

salt, pepper and garlic powder to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Boil pasta as directed. Drain and place in a large bowl. Lightly season chicken with salt, pepper and garlic powder. Add olive oil to a frying pan and cook chicken over medium heat until cooked through turning once. Cut chicken into bite-sized pieces and add to pasta. Add butter to frying pan. Once melted, add onions and mushrooms and saute until they give off their liquid (they should be a golden brown). Add white wine and peas to pan. Simmer for 3-5 minutes. Add mushroom mixture to pasta. Pour alfredo sauce over pasta. Add milk to sauce jar and place lid back on jar. Give it a good shake to get all of the leftover sauce mixed in with the milk then add to pasta. Add cheese and parsley to pasta and mix everything together. Add salt, pepper and garlic powder to taste. Pour pasta mix into a large glass pyrex dish (9x13 works fine). Sprinkle top with bread crumbs. Bake for 15-20 minutes until heated through.

Hope you enjoy!

Book Review: Same Kind of Different As Me

It's rare that I read a book that literally changes the way I see the world and in turn changes my life. Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore did just that. A true story of two men and a woman who's lives weave together in a beautiful braid strong with unconditional love, strength, faith and friendship, this story brings both laughter and many tears (don't forget your tissues).

Denver Moore, a modern-day slave, grew up on a cotton plantation in Louisiana, unaware of the modern world of civil rights swirling just outside his grasp. The phonetical writing of his deep Southern accent dance off the pages as you hear his voice telling the story of his childhood, loss, loneliness, homelessness, faith and his encounter with Ron and Debbie Hall which results in a life-changing friendship.

Ron Hall, an extremely wealthy international art dealer, grew up in a lower-middle class section of Fort Worth, Texas, and spent many summers on his grandparents farm in Corsicana during the 1950's. He often worked the fields on the farm with "colored folks" and noticed that they were treated differently, but never gave it much thought. During his college years he set out to find a gorgeous "rich girl," but instead fell in love with his friend, Debbie, a very pretty brunette on an academic scholarship.

Debbie Hall grew up in a small town in West Texas. A shy bookworm next to her two gorgeous sisters, Debbie had a good sense of humor and a spunky determined spirit. Her faith and desire to do God's will strikes passion into your heart as you hear her story of compassion and love told by these two men who are forever changed by her.

Their three lives collide at The Union Gospel Mission where this amazing story of unconditional love, friendship, faith and Divine intervention takes place. Lives are changed, hope and passion are set ablaze and God is glorified.

This book is full of wisdom and makes you look hard at your own life to break down prejudices of all kinds, insecurities, judgements and fears you may have, and in the end helps you to see people as God sees them and love them where they're at.

I highly recommend reading this book! You'll be glad you did.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

I received a free copy of this book from Booksneeze in exchange for an honest review.

Woodland Theme Baby Shower

Sweet little Levi is a beautiful miracle! Without going into too many details, we'll just say that the pregnancy and delivery of this cute little guy had both his and his mother's lives at risk. Prayers of thousands wrapped around their sweet family, and I'm happy to say that mother and son are happy and healthy!

I was so honored to be a part of their baby shower celebrating a glowing new mom and her healthy premie boy.

His mommy, Melissa, loves the outdoors and chose a woodland themed nursery. The shower was a beautiful representation of the great outdoors with pine trees, bird houses, pine cones and woodland creatures peeking through little details here and there. I had so much fun making a cake to match the fun decor!

This cake took forever, but was worth all the effort. Unfortunately my bottom tier dowels gave way (one of a baker's worst nightmares), but it actually worked with the cake. Because of the woodland theme, the bottom layer took on a mountainous look. Though the bottom cake was "condensed" it still tasted yummy!

I used homemade marshmallow fondant for most of the cake except for the grass which is buttercream. The brown fondant is chocolate and was achieved by adding cocoa powder to the melted marshmallows before kneading in the powdered sugar.

A circle of pine trees adorned the middle tier along with some fun woodland creatures...a bunny, bear and raccoon. The top tier featured "LEVI" in fun lettering cutouts and was topped with a baby boy in a pom-pom beanie with pacifier and blanket featuring a little turtle on top.

I'm so excited for my dear friends Tyler and Melissa as they are adjusting to life as parents. And, of course, I love holding little Levi to get my "baby fix." I love you guys! Congratulations!

Photography by Stephanie Morgan Photography.

Wedding Cake

Okay, so I survived my first wedding cake! It was ridiculously stressful and did not turn out exactly how I envisioned (lots of unexpected bumps along the way), but I did it none the less. I learned a LOT of good lessons and am certain that with some good practice I might actually get good at this cake thing. Hopefully if I ever do another wedding cake it will be buttercream. I'm still learning the ropes with this whole fondant thing. Trial and error and of course a LOT of practice are needed to master this edible art form. For now, I think I'm going to stick with showers and birthdays for my cake making hobby. Less stress equals more fun!

The wedding was for my dear friends Whitney and R.J. Whitney is one of our favorite babysitters and was the very first person to bring me a baby gift when I was pregnant with my first child (only 5 weeks along). Five weeks?!!!! What can I say? She LOVES kids, and she is so great with them. Her fun bubbly personality is contagious, and you can't help but smile around her. R.J. grew up across the street from us, and is as kind and loyal as they come. It's been fun to watch this sweet couple fall in love!

They are passionate and fun, and I know they have a lifetime of fun adventures ahead of them. I can't wait for them to have there own little kiddos running around because they are going to be fantastic parents. For now, they are enjoying every minute of their sweet life as newlyweds!

My middle son, Owen, was the ringbearer at their wedding (He looked SO cute!!!), and my amazing friend, Stephanie Morgan, was one of the photographers. All of the photos you see here were taken by her. You can check out more of the wedding photos at Stephanie Morgan Photography.

The wedding was beautiful as was the bride! I'm so happy for Whitney and R.J. and wish them all the best as they begin their marriage journey together! Congratulations guys!!!

The Lonely Life

Photo by Stephanie Morgan Photography

I am finding more and more that the life of a stay-at-home mom can be a lonely one. Especially for those who are just starting out on their motherhood journey or have young ones who haven't entered the crazy world of school just yet.

I remember over the last few years how desperately I needed close girlfriends, a form of companionship, a lifeline to the world that swirled around my secluded life at home. I prayed and prayed for God to bring women into my life who could come alongside and share in my journey. Women who would understand what my morning to night routine was like with it's chaos, monotony and exhaustion. I felt alone. I had my amazing husband for support, but even he couldn't fully understand what I was going through. I was surviving, struggling to breath in what felt like a never ending wave of overwhelmingness. I was in a spiritual desert, and I was desperately seeking to get out.

As the boys got older things became easier, and I began to regroup and get my bearings on life back. I finally had enough "umph" in me to get out of the house and get involved to find the friendships I was so deeply needing. I signed up for my local MOPS group (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) hoping to just get out of the house and enjoy some adult conversation. I never would have guessed that some of these ladies would one day fill my soul with joy and laughter and share in the ups and downs of life that come so steadily. I get so excited every time I get to spend time with them because they truly are a breath of fresh air in my life.

Around the same time I began going to MOPS, I started a prayer group with a couple of women I had become friends with at church. They also had the same desire for companionship in this motherhood journey and were feeling alone in their life as a homemaker. Our little prayer group has now grown to seven women. Not everyone can make it every week due to sickness or other plans, but whether it's two or seven, I always come away from our meeting refreshed and so very thankful. We are committed to encouraging and supporting each other. We lift each other up in prayer, and we challenge each other to be the best moms and wives that we can be.

I know that God was walking with me through my time of survival. He is faithful. It fills my heart with joy though to say that my spiritual desert is finally experiencing rain, and He is using these women to bring refreshing drinks of love, support and encouragement to this thirsty soul.

Through this experience my eyes have been opened. I see these moms with thirsty souls all the time desperately looking for a place to belong, and I feel a mission to seek them out, come alongside them and bring them the encouragement that they need. God made us for the purpose of relationship afterall...relationship with Him and sharing His love through relationships with others.

It's so important to have close relationships in your life, people who you can count on and who will keep you accountable to be the best version of yourself.

This stay-at-home life doesn't have to be a lonely one. If you're not already involved in a mom's group or a group of women (big or small) who you can share your motherhood journey with, I would encourage you to do so. Many cities have mom groups, and MOPS is a worldwide organization with groups all over the U.S.

With all that being said, take a deep breath and go for a walk outside your comfort zone to seek out some fellow "mommy" friends. You'll be glad you did!

"For where two or three have gathered together in my name, I am there in their midst." Matthew 18:20

For more information on MOPS or to find a group in your area, please go to www.mops.org.

Coupons

I recently attended a coupon class with some girlfriends and learned some great pointers on how to save on everything from groceries to cleaning supplies. With today's economy everyone can use some good pointers on how to keep your hard-earned money in your pocket! As a stay-at-home mom I don't have a paycheck coming in, but my time can be spent saving the amount of money going out. Here are my top 10 money saving tips when using coupons:

1. Get the Sunday paper. Although you can shop sales and find coupons online, the Sunday paper is the biggest bang for your buck when it comes to coupons! I currently subscribe to the San Francisco Chronicle (Sunday edition) simply for the coupons. Most of my toiletries and household item coupons come from the paper along with many food item coupons.

2. Look Online. Not only can you print coupons from online, you can also load ecoupons right onto your grocery shopping card. If you can't find a coupon you're looking for then contact the company and ask for coupons and free samples. The worst thing that could happen is they say, "No." 99% of the time though, they will be happy to provide you with coupons for their product! You can also buy bunches of coupons online for things you need which will still save you a ton. Some retailers offer special online deals that you can't find in stores as well, so keep your eyes open for these great deals.

3. Shop the 99 cent only store and other dollar stores. The 99 cent store carries fresh produce and many other perishable grocery items, many of which are name-brand quality! You can also find all sorts of other handy things at these stores for a portion of the prices you'd spend somewhere else.

4. Find freebies at drug stores. Most of the chain drug stores (CVS, Walgreens and Rite Aid) offer rebates, money-back coupons and highly-discounted sale prices that when paired with coupons can get you FREE stuff or even make you some money back! It's worth checking the ads each week to find these amazing deals. Also, be sure to go shopping at the beginning of the week before these deals are sold out.

5. Stack coupons. Did you know that you can use a retailer coupon (from the store) and a manufacturer coupon (from the product company) on the same item? You can also use a manufacturer ecoupon with a printed manufacturer coupon on the same product. Anytime you can put coupons together on top of sale or clearance prices on a product, you are in for some big savings. Be sure to print out the coupon policies of the stores you shop at, so you can be familiar with their policies.

6. Use your coupons on the lowest priced version of each product. Sometimes bulk isn't better. If you can use a $3.00 coupon on a $10 pack of diapers rather than a $20 box of diapers, your savings are better. You may need to use more coupons on smaller amounts of items in order to get the best bargain.

7. Time is money. Only take time to cut/print coupons that you know your family will use. You can save the rest of your Sunday insert coupons by labeling the date they came on the front paper and keeping them in a folder/filing system. Check online blogs to see if there are any good deals you missed. They will let you know where to find your coupons (which week, ad, etc.). Keep things organized so that you aren't spending hours sifting through a hundred coupons looking for that one that you need. A binder with baseball card sleeve pages is a great way to keep your coupons organized. Remember if you can save $50 a week for two hours of work it's like making $25/hour!!!

8. Meal planning. Try to plan your meals around the sales/coupons you have for that week. By planning ahead, you can shop for exactly what you need at highly discounted prices. You will save money and save food! It's easy to be wasteful when you don't plan ahead.

9. Entertainment. You can find coupons and deals for more than just groceries. Theme parks, museums, restaurants and retail stores are a few of the places where you can use coupons and/or special rates. Look on their website or online to find just the deal you're looking for.

10. Trade and share. I have a few other friends and family members who are also into couponing and bargain hunting. Not everyone uses the same products, so put together a little coupon swap party. If you find a super great deal while you're out shopping, let them know about it! They'll start doing the same for you.

A couple of websites I have found extremely helpful are www.coupons.com, www.hip2save.com and www.thefrugalfind.com. Julia over at The Frugal Find is in the S.F. Bay Area and teaches the fabulous coupon class I attended (available soon on dvd). She feeds a family of 6 for $50 a week!!! I highly recommend taking her class. Please check out her website for more information on classes and frugal finds in your area.

I hope you find these tips helpful! Happy shopping!

Recipe: Spicy Chicken Quesadillas

Okay...let me first apologize for not having a photo on this one. We ate them up so fast that I didn't even think to take a picture until they were in our happy tummies.

I love to make up new things that are quick and easy, and it is so gratifying when I get a thumbs up all the way around from my family. This was a spur of the moment "I don't know what to make, and I don't have a lot of time...what can I throw together?" type of dinner.

I am a big fan of frozen chicken tenderloins simply for the fact that they fall in the quick and easy category. They don't have to be defrosted (you can just throw them in a hot pan frozen), they are always tender, and you can easily make a little or a lot without any extra trouble.

The ingredients for this recipe are pretty basic, so don't be surprised if you already have most of the items ready and waiting for you in your kitchen. My oldest son is five and after a few bites he announced, "Mommy, these things are REALLY good!" I couldn't help but smile. My husband agreed, and judging my my 3 yr. old and 2 yr. old's plates, they agreed as well. So here it is...

Spicy Chicken Quesadillas

8-10 chicken tenderloins (or two boneless skinless chicken breasts)

1/4 cup or 1 package of taco seasoning (I get the big container of it at Costco...it saves a bundle!)

3/4 cup water

6 medium-sized flour tortillas

4-6 cups of shredded cheese (Mexican blend or whatever you have)

1 1/2-2 cups shredded lettuce (substitute fresh spinach for a healthier option)

3 Roma tomatoes (thinly sliced)

1-2 tablespoons olive oil

In a saute pan pour 1-2 tablespoons olive oil over pan and cook chicken over medium heat until cooked through (turning once). Remove chicken and cut into small bite-size pieces. Return to pan and add taco seasoning and water. Stir chicken and coat with seasoning. Cook until liquid has evaporated being sure to stir often. In a frying pan over medium low heat place one tortilla and sprinkle with 1/2 to 1 cup of shredded cheese over entire tortilla. When the cheese begins to melt add about 1/2 cup of chicken (just enough to cover 1/2 of the tortilla). Cook for one more minute. Using a spatula slide the quesadilla onto a plate. Add about 1/4 cup of shredded lettuce and a few slices of tomato over the chicken. Fold cheese side of quesadilla over the chicken side and press together. Let cool for one minute before cutting. Repeat with additional ingredients.

Serve with sour cream, guacamole and salsa, or enjoy by itself.

Yields six servings. Total time: approximately 20 minutes.

Hope your family enjoys this one! I know I'm going to add this to our "regulars" list.

Finding Nemo Birthday Party

I have always loved making cakes, so birthday parties are a great time for me to enjoy the art of baking. It's even more fun with having young boys. I get to be creative, use bright fun colors and create a fun environment for them to enjoy on their special day. My oldest and youngest boys have birthdays only 3 days apart, so we decided to combine their celebration this year with a Nemo inspired party.

I made two separate cakes (one for each of them). The first was a 9 x 13 inch chocolate

cake with chocolate mousse filling and buttercream icing for my 5 year old. The second was an 8 inch round rainbow chip cake with vanilla pudding filling and buttercream icing for my 2 year old.

I used little Nemo figurines on both cakes that my mom found at the dollar store (I LOVE dollar stores!). Both cakes were iced in light blue buttercream and bordered with sea blue dots. I used a leaf tip to create green seaweed, a round tip for the pink coral and of course a star tip for all of my little orange starfish. I also used the star tip for the orange fish on the round cake and finished them off with a mini chocolate chip eye and sea blue bubbles. The mound on the 9 x 13 inch cake was created by cutting two chocolate cupcakes into thirds and then arranging them in a rock type formation. I then iced it with white icing and covered it in seaweed and coral.

For the party decorations, I covered the walls of our dining room with a beach scene (found at most party supply stores or online). The tables were covered in turquoise blue tablecloths. Centerpieces were a fish placemat in bright orange, lime green and blue colors and topped off with mini tiki torches and sea shells. I also found some adorable round paper lanterns in

lime green and turquoise blue (at the dollar store of course) that I hung around the house and outside. The party supply store also had a page of fish window clings (for 99 cents!!!) that

I used on our dining room mirror to create an aquarium scene. We also had Hawaiian leis for our guests to wear, and Jack Johnson music playing in the background.

Entertainment for the kids included a kiddie pool in the backyard along with water guns and water balloons. They had a soaking wet fun time in the warm sun! I printed out a Nemo fish (colored and cut out with their name on the fin) for each child attending the party and hid them around the party area (at eye level for their size). We played "Find Your Nemo". Once each child found their Nemo, they turned it in to me and got to pick something out of the prize basket. The basket was filled with fun disney water toys from the dollar store (floating rings, water frisbees, beach balls, etc.) and took the place of a goodie bag.

We barbecued hamburgers and hot dogs. No fish sticks were served because "Fish are friends, not food." Sides included potato salad and a fruit platter with watermelon, strawberries, blackberries and pineapple along with some yummy fruit dip (marshmallow cream and cream cheese blended together). I also made little aquariums for everyone by making blue jello in clear plastic party cups and inserting a swedish fish candy when the gelatin was about halfway set. I topped them off with a wave of whipped cream and put a sand bucket filled with blueberries in the middle for everyone to top off their "wave" with a few berries. Ironically, I think the dads found these even cooler than the kids did! Baby goldfish crackers were served in a sand bucket with a shovel (like the blueberries). For drinks we kept it simple with a tropical punch (mango, orange, pineapple and ginger ale), along with fresh brewed iced tea and ice water.

Overall, the party was a success, and the kids had a blast! It was a fun celebration of my two sweet boys getting a year older!

Now I'm in the mood to spend a day at the beach with a pina colada!

Photographers

I LOVE photography! It is an amazing way to capture moments and memories to treasure for generations to come. The digital world we live in today allows so many people access to learn and use this timeless craft. I've been saving diligently since Christmas to purchase a camera I've been drooling over the last year. I'm about a third of the way there. Once I have it in hand I am going to go crazy with my clicking finger and find anyone and everyone that will let me practice on them and their adorable little kiddos!

In the mean time, my dear friend Stephanie Morgan is my go to gal for photos. She has an incredible gift, and her use of color and lighting are fantastic!!! She took the photo of me and my boys featured on my blog as well as the ones you see here, and also recently took photos for me of the bridal shower cake I made for Whitney.

If you need some family, engagement, baby or senior photos done and live in the S.F. Bay area, I would highly recommend using Stephanie! I have other friends across the U.S. who also do fabulous photography work and are on all ends of the spectrum from just starting out to absolutely to die for professionals who have been in the business for years for those of you that are interested.

There is no time like the present to take some timeless portraits of your little ones while they are still little! We all know how quickly they grow. I encourage you to either find a great photographer in your area or find the amateur photographer in yourself and with a few clicks and a session full of fun capture the feeling you have when you look at those sweet little faces!

Please feel free to list your favorite photographers and their links in the comment section below.

Happy clicking!

For more on Stephanie Morgan Photography please go to www.stephaniemorganphotography.com/blog/

Whitney's Bridal Shower Cake

Wow! Blogging world, it's been a LONG time!!! Life has been a whirlwind lately. Sorry about my absence, but I'm officially back with a fun bridal shower cake to share.

One of my dear sweet babysitters is all grown up and getting married May 22 (pics of her wedding cake coming soon). Her bridal shower was so much fun and decorated in a pink, white and black zebra theme. This was my first experience using fondant and also my first tiered-cake. I was so excited that it turned out okay.

The top two tiers (6 and 8 inch squares) were yellow cake with vanilla mousse and raspberry filling and the bottom tier (10 inch square) was chocolate cake with chocolate mousse filling. I covered each tier with vanilla buttercream icing and then topped them with a layer of homemade marshmallow fondant.

Decorating details included pink fondant ribbon stripes and polka-dots, a black chocolate buttercream dots border and black and sheer zebra ribbon. The cake was topped off with an engagement photo of the happy couple in a clear glass frame detailed with rhinestones.

I definitely learned some good fondant tips through trial and error, and am looking forward to doing their four-tiered wedding cake in just a few short weeks!

I'm so excited for this sweet couple and wish them all the best as they start their new life together! Congratulations Whitney and RJ!!!

Photos by Stephanie Morgan Photography

Recipe: Fluffy Lemon Raspberry Cake

I had to whip up a dessert quickly for a dinner I was going to Tuesday evening. In my rush, I completely forgot to take a picture. I think I'm going to make it again for Easter since it was such a hit, so hopefully I can get a photo up this weekend.

This is a great cake for summertime! It is fresh, light, just sweet enough and absolutely delicious!

Fluffy Lemon Raspberry Cake

1 box lemon cake mix (prepared as directed in 2 8-inch rounds)
1 quart heavy whipping cream
1 large box instant vanilla Jello-O pudding mix (5.9 oz.)
1 pint fresh raspberries (12 oz.)
1/2-2/3 cup raspberry preserves (room temperature spreads easier)

Start with the boxed lemon cake mix and prepare as directed in two 8-inch round pans. I cannot stress enough how important it is not to over bake cakes. Bake just until a toothpick comes out clean. Another trick I use is tapping the cake in the middle with my fingertip. If it jiggles or the cake doesn't bounce back then it needs to bake longer. If the cake springs back to shape, then it's ready to come out. I usually line the bottom of my pans with waxed paper. It makes removal from the pan so easy and holds the cake together well while cooling. (Just don't forget to take the waxed paper off before assembling cake.)

While the cake is cooling, whip 1 quart of heavy whipping cream for a couple of minutes (just until it begins to thicken). Add 1 large box (5.9 oz.) of instant vanilla Jell-O pudding mix. Continue to whip on medium speed until peaks form and whipped icing has a good spreadable consistency. Put in refrigerator until cakes are ready to be iced. Icing will thicken slightly in fridge due to the pudding in mixture setting.

Level off the top of the first cake and then divide both cakes into two even layers. (You can do this by using a cake leveler if you have one, a large serrated knife, or my favorite, dental floss!). Place first layer on cakestand/plate and glaze top with raspberry preserves. Add second layer and top with a thick layer of whipped icing. Cut half of the raspberries in half and scatter a single layer of berries across the icing and push into icing. Add third layer and glaze top with preserves. Top with unleveled cake layer (rounded top). Ice entire cake with a thick layer of whipped icing. Finish by decorating with remaining raspberries. Enjoy!

Feel free to also decorate with mint sprigs, lemon slices, coconut or chocolate curls...whatever sounds good! Happy baking!

The Dirt on Insecurities

I use the term "dirt" because insecurities will bury you. You have to dig yourself out of them or they will literally suffocate the life right out of you. No matter how many times I try to steer clear of them, they always hunt me down. It's something that women in general struggle with from their youthful years to marriage to parenting to who knows when. It changes shape and hides behind different masks, but when it comes down to it, it always affects you the same. It makes you second guess yourself, it makes you feel not good enough, and it always hinders you from being who you were meant to be.

In most cases, insecurities are lies that swim through our minds and drown us one breath at a time. They are manifested by the littlest comment or the skewed view by which we see ourselves. Do you have insecurities? I know I do. I am a recovering people-pleaser. It's in my blood. I used to seek approval like a bloodhound. Although I have worked through many aspects of it, the way people view me still catches me off guard sometimes. Every once in a while an insecurity springs up, and I think, "Here we go again." So what do we do with them?

There are a few things I've learned over the years in dealing with my own personal insecurities that I'd like to share with you.

Communicate. Like I said earlier, insecurities are often lies. Plain and simple. It's important for you to communicate how you're feeling. Whether you confide in your spouse, a close friend or family member, it's important for you to voice out loud the thoughts swimming through your mind. Having someone you trust who can listen and act as a sounding-board will help you work through the issues you're dealing with. They can tell you if there is some truth to what you're feeling, if you are blowing things out of proportion or if you are misinterpreting things. They can also be a source of encouragement for you and help you along the way as you dig your way out of these filthy things that are so hindering.

Plan of Action. Insecurities can have a "snowball" effect. They make you feel bad which in turn causes more insecurities and so on. If you want to dig yourself out, then you need to have a plan of action. Whether it's telling yourself two good things you are proud of for every one thing you're not, setting goals to help you change something in your life that is causing insecurity or simply writing down your priorities and staying focused on the woman you are meant to be, find a way to push those thoughts from your mind and focus on the good things in your life. Then find a friend who will help you stay accountable and check in on how you're doing. Scared of what they might think? Well, guess what? They have insecurities too and probably need you just as much as you need them.

Pray. It may sound silly to some, but so often I find myself on my knees asking God to help me view myself the way He sees me. He created me for a purpose, and He wants me to be the woman that He destined for me to be. My insecurities stunt my growth and often keep me from being the wife, mom and friend that God intended for me. He sees me, the good and the bad, and He loves me just the way I am. I need to do the same. Accept who God made you to be and pray that He will take away any obstacles that will hinder your personal growth.

Accept Your Imperfections. You're not perfect. Nobody is! Accept the fact that there is always going to be someone "better" out there, you're going to make mistakes now and then and life is going to throw you some curve balls. Unfortunately, life doesn't come with a manual, so you just have to do the best with what you've got. There is nothing wrong with being thankful for who you are while striving to become the best version of yourself. Give yourself a break. You're unique. Be glad about it!

Life is going to have ups and downs, good days and bad days (can we say hormones?). Insecurities are going to pop up, but they don't have to overwhelm us. Take an honest look at yourself and don't let those lies bury you. You're better than that. Dig yourself out, dust yourself off and enjoy the sunshine and fresh air as you keep moving forward.