Patience is a Virtue

I occasionally substitute teach for a private school about 30 minutes away from my home. Instead of going through the headache of sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on the clogged city highway, I often drive a twisty back country road called Marsh Creek. It was raining this morning and the clouds were gloomy, but the brilliant green of the rolling hillsides and valleys scattered with pale-blossomed trees and vibrant wildflowers along this curvy two-lane road presented a pleasant canvas of God’s amazing creation for me to enjoy.

I don’t get a lot of alone time, so I try to use my time wisely when I do get those sweet moments of peace and serenity (even if it’s just enjoying a small half hour drive to work). On this morning’s drive I spent some time in prayer and reflected on the woman I have been changing into over the last few months. I feel like things are coming together bit by bit, and I’m figuring out a little more about who I am and what my purpose is. As I’m letting go of my preconceived ideas of motherhood and what “the perfect mom” looks like, I’m finding an amazing new me emerging from the burden of unrealistic expectations I once put on myself. I am finally learning patience through love, and my view of God’s purpose for me as a mother is becoming much clearer.

I remember my “survival” days. I was sleep deprived, overwhelmed with the responsibility of caring for three young children (I had three kids in diapers for 6 months) and on the brink of physical and emotional exhaustion. I felt alone as a stay-at-home mom and out of touch with the rest of the world. I remember my husband telling me one day that he wanted to watch the kids so I could take a day off and go do something fun. I thought for a brief moment, looked at him and said, “I don’t even know what I like to do anymore. I don’t know what’s fun for me or what I should do because it’s been so long since I had a moment to even think about me or what I want.” I felt like I had lost my identity.

My patience level was low and my fuse was short. I had days where I felt like the Incredible Hulk. I would be completely fine and have everything under control until something unexpected happened that pushed me over the edge turning me into this green growling monster. Frustration breeds anger, and those moments sometimes brought with them screams through clenched teeth in order to let off a bit of steam. Normally I would do this in a room by myself while taking a 2-minute mommy “time-out”. However, there was this one day...I was driving with my three boys lined across my back seat. They had been awful that morning getting into things and making a mess (you know those mornings when they scatter your kitchen floor with cheerios or paint your bathroom cabinets with hand soap). They were fighting and whining and crying in the car, and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I let out one of my growling screams through my locked jaw and clenched teeth, and then when I was done I took a deep breath. After the initial wide-eyed looks of shock that my children gave me through the rear-view mirror, my four year old started giggling hysterically. He soon regained his composure a bit and simply said, “Mommy, you’re funny!” I apologized to my boys for my “outburst”, but as I look back, I have to say that I agree with him. It IS pretty funny to see a full-grown woman having a temper tantrum on par with a 2-year old. I remember that day clearly, because that was the day I decided something had to change.

I didn’t want to be a monster with my children, and my behavior certainly didn’t help them learn how to NOT be little monsters themselves. I lacked patience, and my lack of patience showed a lack of character on my part. Character is the very thing I want to build in my children. I began to pray for patience, peace and the ability to love my children to their core through my actions. Of course I love my children, it's natural. But to love them through my actions on a daily basis is a whole other ordeal. Having patience with them, spending quality time with them by playing and having conversations with them, building their confidence, teaching life skills...these are all ways of showing my love to them. As I thought about these things I realized that by letting go of the "control" I was seeking so desperately I was able to relax allowing myself to really enjoy my life instead of just getting through it and checking off "to do" lists. When I'm relaxed, I'm not uptight and I have more patience. I don't let things bother me so much, and I take the time I need to get things accomplished...the things that really matter like building character in my children.

I still have a long way to go, and I'm sure I will have more "outbursts" along the way. But I'm happy to say, they are few and far between these days. My attitude has changed to one of love and patience with a goal to raise up men who love God and people through their actions, and who are strong, confident, compassionate and patient individuals. The cool thing is God loves me (crazy I know) as he does you, and I find it ironic that one of the ways he shows his love for me is by teaching me lessons through these little walking talking miracles in my life. I also think it's great that He uses me in their life to do the same.

Take some time today to reflect on who you are as a mom. What are your goals as a mom? What type of adults do you want your children to become? How can you help them get there? What are characteristics that you can work on in yourself to be an example to your children? Let's be moms with purpose...on purpose...and try to have a good amount of patience along the way. Love you ladies!