Give Yourself A Little Credit

You just ran into her at the store. We all know her. That mom. The mom who from all outside appearances has it all together. She always looks perfect...cute hair and pristine make-up or naturally beautiful skin with manicured fingernails. Her outfits are trendy and well put together or a classic style that's always "in" with matching jewelry. She's calm, cool and collected. You look at her and think, "There is no way on God's green earth that she is a mom of young children." And yet, there they are. One, two or three little people in her stroller or shopping cart. They are well-mannered and as adorable as can be in their cute little clean outfits. Slowly, you feel your walls crowding in. You start thinking about your mangled ponytail and shabby outfit with a peanut butter smear on front that you tried to clean off with a baby wipe in the car. One of your kids is having a meltdown or being stubborn, one has something sticky on the side of their face and another one has a snot bubble blowing out and is taking off their shoe yet again for the third time. The oldest child who isn't in the cart is running around after you've told them for the tenth time to hang on to the cart and calm down when they turn to you and say, "I have to go potty!" even though you had them go right before you left the house. After reviewing this scene in your life you start questioning yourself. Insecurities spring up, and you think, "Why can't I get my act together like her? How does she do it?"

Have you been there?

I know I have. The thing is...motherhood is crazy! We seem to be these miracle workers with endless "to do" lists that need to be accomplished with lots of energy on little sleep. It's an overwhelming job at times (most of the time for some). We run circles around ourselves fixing the same things over and over as little people come right behind us destroying it again. It's a relentless job, but in the end it's also rewarding. I had my three boys in three years one right after the other. My husband and I didn't plan it that way, but that is what God gave us. I was in survival mode for a long time. Life was happening to me instead of me living my life on purpose. I felt like I was forever playing catch up just to keep my head above water. My once confident self was now rattled with insecurities in this new role of mother. I remember thinking how hard it was when I had my first, and now when I just have one with me it feels like a vacation. I have first time moms come up to me sometimes and say, "I don't know how you do it with three! I can barely handle my one!" I am quick to reassure them that I felt the exact same way when I was in their shoes. Once that first child comes, life is never "normal" again. I always say, "You just find a new normal." It continues to happen with each addition to your family. It's never the same, you just find your new normal. Now that I'm comfortable in my new normal, things are getting easier. As the boys get older and I continue to gain some years of experience under my belt, my insecurities are waning. I've learned some good lessons. It's been a physical, emotional and spiritual journey, but I've come out of my survival mode a better woman, wife and mom. I finally realized that it doesn't really matter what other people think about me. Sometimes I actually look like the mom who has it all together, and other times I look like I just escaped from the loony bin. What matters is that God gave me the children he destined for me to have. He will continue to use them daily in my life to help me grow and learn, and in turn, he will use me to help them grow and develop into what I hope to be amazing men who really make a difference in the world around them. I stopped carrying around such high and often unrealistic expectations for myself and replaced them with joyous victories in the little things I accomplish each day. My victories may be getting the laundry done, baking a cake for a party or playing kickball in the yard with my boys. It may be getting everyone fed, bathed and tucked tight in bed after storytime by 7:30 p.m., and on some days it's the simple fact that I actually got to take a shower! I am not an A-type personality who is extremely organized which is the category most of "those" moms fall into. I am a fun-loving, joyful, silly and adventurous mom. God made me unique, just like he made each of my children unique. And guess what? He made you unique as well! The more I let go of what I "think" I should be and just enjoy who God made me to be, the better I become as a mom. Not that I don't still set goals for myself and try to be the best version of me that I can be, but I don't stress about trying to be "the perfect mom" anymore. I also realized in befriending some of these "perfect" moms that what I see in them are their strengths. They also have weaknesses and insecurities as I do, and are often under a lot of stress because of the expectations they put on themselves. We all have strengths and weaknesses as parents, gifts that God gave us and things that we need to work on. Don't try to be something that you're not though, and please try not to compare yourself to other moms. Give yourself a little credit. Find those little victories in your day and be thankful for them. You are a special mom in your own way to those amazing little people God blessed you with. Love on them, appreciate them, spend time with them and (when you need to) take a break from them to find that confident woman you can still be. I love so many moms out there! Many of them bless me on a regular basis with their courage, determination and humor. So, gather round some other moms. Encourage each other, support each other and remind each other to give yourself a little credit. You're a good mom!